Me and he.
He and I.
We as One.
Him on me.
He on she.
Why does this always happen to me?
I like him.
he likes me.
He likes she.
Why not just me?
This is dumb.
I give up.
I cant let go.
He's earned my trust.
I like.
He wants me.
But i cant tell.
If it'll really.
Im in to deep.
Burried my feet.
in concrete.
And im not able to go anywhere.
Me and he.
He and I.
We as one.
.........



i think not.
=/

Seriously. im so tired of high school.
its soo pointless. like who can live, like really live when they are caged around the sme faces day and night...living a box a box of drama deceit, and betrayl.
BLAH BLAH, i just need something new in my life, im tired of living like an ant and doing the same routine everyday.
I cant wait to graduate!!.

Right, so today was filled with indescribable event.
But ill manage to describe them for you.
All right lets begin with one of my close friends.
A boy, of coarse whose name i shall not say. But for the sake of having a name i shall call him...??
Sal.
Alright, well me and Sal are very close and have been for a while now, excet for the past few months we just kinda of sepreated because, well i think he has emotional stability probelms and i just dont think i know how or what do.
Anyways so he is really needy and its ridiculous and extremly bossy may i add.
As if im his girlfriend!, which i am not!
But he expects me to jump everytime he says jump. Which is not happening,
expecially now that its getting worse and he calls me every single day aboit 3 times and i wont answer because something about him just really really annoys me.
wow.
venting.
whoooa...breather.
1,2,3.
ok i just had to get that out i guess it had been boiling up.
Anyways back to the topic.
Me and my friend Sal and a bunch of other friends went out for my bestfriends birthday so....in a way we recindled our friendship that had been beyond repair for the night.
it was all right he yelled at me and was moody and we joked and he got kinda physical.
but in a playful demenor of coarse, except for the fact he is about 6'5 and im only 5'3 ish.sooo it kinda hurt ruff housing you know??
but anyways, geeze i keep going off on tangents.
ANYWAYS!!....later that night he AIMS me..and tells me..that he loves me soo much and im his bestfriend and blah blah blah im the only one he truly truly trust...

(here comes the topping on the cake)




sooo he is 18 now and  he is ready...

(im like, ready for what?)
and he continues that he is ready...ready to take the next step in his life...and have sex.

well im thinking ok...that great!!!...i guess??
he continues about how much he loves and trust me then tell me he wants me to be his first sexual encounter!!



WTF!!! PAUSE, OKAY I WAS JUST REALLY TAKEN ABACK
pardon me if that is rude. but i didnt know what the hell else to say.

sooo...i kinda just made a joke of it like i always tend to do when something uncomfortable pops out of the pushes.
but he was serious he wanted to have sex with me.
because we were good friends and he says i can trust him.
soooo i told him no. bad idea..
then he beggs why blah blah blah and goes on telling me how nothing between us would be different..blah blah
sooo my finally answer was no..

soo now he calls me and texts me..all the time still and its awkward you know..
for me at least.
is that wrong, of me?? like wth am i supposed to do?

Well,i guess im back yet again.
i just got home from my favorite place in the world, my get away from the world.
Barnes and Nobles!
I love reading, it takes me places i could only imagine.
Anyways, I bought two books: Becoming Jane Austen by Jon Spence,
&& Untouchable by Kate Brian.
Both amazing authors, I have most of Kate Brians books i love them all.
There about a girl, A nobody girl basically who climbs to the top.
figuratively speaking. Amazing.
Then everyone should already no Jane Austen is Quiet amazing without explanation.
Anyways, i cant wait untill college.
Im trying to keep positive about this whole acceptance thing
its so stressful.
I mean ive already been accepted to CAL STATE NORTHRIDGE.
But, yeesh! what if i get a D on my final transcript and they take it back.
Uh..that would be awfully depressing and humilating.
I dont know what i would do with myself.
But im attempting to keep my hopes optimistic.
And keep my faith in the Lord, knowing that he has a plan for me.
yes, I just gotta keep thinking that.
Anyways, This cd i bought Taylor Swift  at Barnes and Nobles also, is good.
Country music is always so..sad.
Or Avenging.
Well, not necessarly but mostly.
Anyways i like it. Alot.
Plus Taylor Swift is goregous.
If i could look like anyone I would choose her definately.
Not saying that i dont Enjoy being the chocolate girl i am.
Because i do, in its entirety
But still, i wonder what it would be like to switch sometimes into someone else's life.
i think it would definately be the experience of a life time.
id be up for it.
Have you ever seen the movie the Holiday?/?
Its wonderful, a classic love story.
And it makes me want to experience house exchange and hope that i find Jude Law on my door step.
lol.
Yes, just a fantasy. haha but a damn good one.
but alrighty ill be back if anything else comes to mind.

Well this is my first blog, i guess i will use this as my own journal.
All my thoughts, hopes and dreams.






So today I found myself doing absolutley nothing at all.
I woke up at 1 and i have been sitting on the couch watching movies and on the interent all day. I hadnt even realized time passed untill a few moments ago when i realized it was about to be 5 oclock&& i havent even done 1 chore.
My sister, well i havent seen her all day. She disappeared out side.
And no frequent phone calls as usual to check the status of the house as usual.
Surprising.
But still, none.
I just get so lost in the romance of movies & novels time just flys.
As, i wish and wonder could it be real.
But of coarse not. No such love exsist in actual life.

The love that burns inside of you and makes or breaks your day.
The love that you can hear calling you from miles away.
The love that makes time stop in its tracks.
The type of love that gets torn apart, but yet in still always finds away back together.
Just another one of my fantasys i suppose.
But still i hope that one day i could be lost in the same trance.
The same whirl pool of the non-exsistant thing we call love.